The Anti-seducers we all hate
Most people possess repellent and ugly traits that they eventually succeed in hiding from the public. However, some people don’t quite succeed in that department (willingly or inadvertently), these are the people Robert Greene (Author of The Art of Seduction and 48 Laws of Power) refers to as the Anti-Seducers. It is important to recognize these traits in ourselves because one can’t really win in this thing called life if no one finds him/her tolerable.
“If seduction is a kind of ceremony or ritual, part of the pleasure is its duration — the time it takes, the waiting that increases anticipation. Brutes have no patience for such things; they are concerned only with their own pleasure, never with yours. To be patient is to show that you are thinking of the other person, which never fails to impress.” A lot of people do not understand the importance of acknowledging and appreciating the little details and non verbal cues their counterparts give off. Many relationships (business, political, platonic and romantic) break down due to this. Learn to be patient, understanding and attentive. There’s a reason some leaders are not loved by their people despite all the good works they carry out. We – as humans – are emotional and social creatures, we need to understand that.
“Suffocators fall in love with you before you are even half aware of their existence. The trait is deceptive—you might think they have found you overwhelming—but the fact is they suffer from an inner void, a deep well of need that cannot be filled. Never get involved with Suffocators; they are almost impossible to free yourself from without trauma. They cling to you until you are forced to pull back, whereupon they smother you with guilt. We tend to idealize a loved one, but love takes time to develop.” The importance of “peace of mind” cannot be over-emphasized. Everyone cherishes some “me time” once in a while. Learn to give people space and time to fall in love with whatever relationship you intend on having with them.
“Seduction is a game, and should be undertaken with a light heart. All is fair in love and seduction; morality never enters the picture. The character of the Moralizer, however, is rigid. These are people who follow fixed ideas and try to make you bend to their standards. They want to change you, to make you a better person, so they endlessly criticize and judge—that is their pleasure in life. In truth, their moral ideas stem from their own unhappiness, and mask their desire to dominate those around them.” No one likes to be bossed around unnecessarily. If you are the bossy type, people will disregard what you have to say, out of spite.
“Cheapness signals more than a problem with money. It is a sign of something constricted in a person’s character—something that keeps them from letting go or taking a risk. It is the most anti-seductive trait of all, and you cannot allow yourself to give in to it.” “Take a hard look at yourself—you are probably cheaper than you think. Try giving more freely of both your money and yourself.” Just like Speed Darlington, learn to “take risk and succeed”. However, keep the generosity in check, too much generosity can be a sign of desperation.
“Bumblers are self-conscious, and their self-consciousness heightens your own. At first you may think they are thinking about you, and so much so that it makes them awkward. In fact they are only thinking of themselves—worrying about how they look, or about the consequences for them.” You are human, the person/people/masses in question are also humans. Sometimes, we should learn to leave perfection for the gods and embrace our nature.
“The most effective seductions are driven by looks, indirect actions, physical lures. Words have a place, but too much talk will generally break the spell, heightening surface differences and weighing things down. People who talk a lot most often talk about themselves. They have never acquired that inner voice that wonders, Am I boring you? To be a Windbag is to have a deep-rooted selfishness.” Nobody likes people who talk too much, including those who also talk too much. People that talk too much end up talking about themselves most of the time, and they also tend to lie or “beautify” their past experiences. Words are silver but silence is golden.
“Reactors are far too sensitive, not to you but to their own egos. They comb your every word and action for signs of a slight to their vanity. They are prone to whining and complaining, two very anti-seductive traits. Test them by telling a gentle joke or story at their expense: we should all be able to laugh at ourselves a little, but the Reactor cannot.” I personally hate this attitude, “this life na one”, learn to let some things slide. There’s a philosophy that states that “Never attribute to malice, that which is adequately explained by stupidity”. Learn to let some things slide, not everyone is out to get you.
Culled from Robert Greene’s The Art of Seduction