ABH OPENS A NEW DUMPSITE
This is a satirical piece.
The great Alexander Brown Hall has faced a myriad of problems, but a waste management problem remains one of its most persistent ones. This is evidenced by the constant “press down, shaking together and running over” of the dumpsite located beside the cafeteria, as well as the stench that just won’t let Brownites sleep. Following the incessant complaints from Brownites regarding this problem, they have been told to cry no more as their plight has been looked into. ABH has a new dumpsite!
The new dumpsite is perfect for some reasons. First is its location. The much awaited dumpsite is located on, and around the chair and table at the Chess/Table tennis area. This area is easily accessible to Brownites and will make disposal of refuse easier. It’s location just adjacent to the cafeteria makes consumption and subsequent disposal a dream come true. Second is its timeliness. Following the increased population of, as well the increased influx of people in and around UCH into the hall, there was clearly the need for more options as regards locations for the dumping of refuse. Finally, it helps to reduce the workload of our dear cleaners who receive ₦8000 every month and have not been paid for months now, as the owners of the cafeteria have been seen to be in charge of taking care of the new dumpsite.
While the reopening of the cafeteria to “eating in” might reduce the frequency of its use, the new dumpsite remains a much available option. Speaking with a well meaning Brownite who prefers to stay anonymous, he expressed gratitude at this ingenious development and hopes for more innovative solutions like this to problems within the hall. Of course, this new dumpsite has faced stern opposition from some Brownites, like all ground breaking movements and developments do. Some have complained that its location will only make it an eyesore and is not befitting for a place that houses medical students. The only response gotten to these complaints was, “Do am if e easy”.
Attempts to reach the Health and Sanitation Minister have not been successful. It is important to note that he has resumed his duties after being given the humble gift of a two-week suspension for his consistent presence at meetings and unrivaled dedication to his duties.
Like Oliver Twist, Brownites continue to pine for more and hope for the opening of more dumpsites across the hall.