A Revolutionary Tenure In The ABH Information Ministry

This is a satirical article.

Instablog9ja: ABH Branch

A lot has changed in the great Alexander Brown Hall over the last few months, including the Information Ministry. We will recall that the office of the Information Minister was one of the offices that had to be filled by by-elections, with the current Information Minister winning emphatically. However, while nothing much might be known regarding the current Information Minister and her political experience, her giant footprints will go on the sands of time for her exemplary use of WhatsApp broadcasts.

Tracking back a little, Alexander Brown Hall’s Information Ministry, headed by Miss Esther Subuloye, has used three major routes of disseminating information — WhatsApp, Instagram, and Twitter. Do not think I forgot about the notice boards because I did not. While the ABH Twitter account has been relatively silent since the tenure began (I will get to the reason for that later), the Ministry has shown its dedication to getting information across to Brownites on the other platforms. Some may call this “information” calibre into question and tag the means employed in passing this information across as clickbait. However, I think that stance is short-sighted because it is commendable work through and through.

With the flurry of activities that have occurred in recent times, one would expect our social media pages to be vibrant and filled with heartwarming pictures like those of the just recently concluded basketball tournament. However, in these trying times when tensions are running high, and Brownites are troubled by the impact of the electricity shortage on their livelihoods and pursuits, the Information Ministry has taken it upon itself to provide an avenue for Brownites to have a good laugh because unlike news, laughter is the best remedy. It also went through the trouble of exquisitely drafting captions that will get the job done, such as:

“Laughter is the best medicine.”

Alexander Brown Hall’s Information Ministry has shown us that while they may not be the most dedicated to the proper projection of the image of the great Alexander Brown Hall in the international community, especially as regards hall activities, they are very much interested in the mental health of Brownites. The Ministry ‘is giving’ Zikoko, and anyways, why would anyone want Arise TV or, even worse, NTA when they can have a tabloid instead?

We cannot deny the timely and appropriate use of WhatsApp broadcasts. With regards to the claims that the WhatsApp broadcast messages accompanying the links to the #ManCrush and #WomanCrush series from the Ministry are grammatically inaccurate, alongside the fact that the captions do not make much sense to readers, I can only say, “Why make sense? Why be grammatically accurate when you can be deviant and problematic?”. The Ministry is setting the standard, teaching Brownites that in a time when people are afraid of being anything but grammatically accurate and politically correct, it is okay to stand by your ideals regardless of how subpar they are. Your qualifications may be called into question, but the Ministry is telling us that it means nothing in the grand scheme of things. Brownites should take notes rather than grumble complaints.

Concerning the relative lack of activity on the ABH Twitter account, the simplest defence is there is no need for it. It is clear that WhatsApp is the Ministry’s preferred method of sharing information, which makes perfect sense considering that it is the one social media platform virtually all Brownites have access to. This shows that the Ministry knows its audience. Granted that the various social media platforms have their strengths, and one may be better equipped than another at disseminating a specific type of information to a particular audience, it does not change the fact that regardless, there is a need to conserve human resources and focus on what is convenient.

Furthermore, one might also understand her fears, seeing that the Nigerian government banned Twitter for some time. There’s no saying that they won’t ban it again. Such forward thinking is what the hall needs. In response to the school of thought that Twitter posts are easier to engage than Instagram or WhatsApp posts, I dare say that Brownites would communicate on Instagram if they were passionate enough about a matter.

The Information Ministry's notice board at D Block.
The Information Ministry’s notice board at D Block.

Not much can be said about Instagram, as glancing through the page, one would think that the ABH Inreach was the only activity to have taken place in the hall during this tenure. Kudos to the Brownites celebrated on the page though. However, I believe that the next time we take a post from a place like Instablog9ja, the least we can do is give them credit by tagging them to the Instagram post. After all, we live in an era where one can be sued for the slightest semblance of plagiarism. But I guess I should not worry too much as I am sure our competent Information Minister has it covered.


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A post shared by ALEXANDER BROWN HALL (@we_love_abh)

With such focus on the online presence of the hall, one would be blind not to notice the improved nature of physical forms of information dissemination in the great Alexander Brown Hall. To ease the process of putting things up on the notice board for Brownites, the information minister has decided not to sign them, which means she does not vet them. Her total trust in Brownites is heartwarming. This complete trust is further evidenced by the recently removed posters pasted on the hall’s walls at strategic locations despite the availability of spaces on the boards. This absence of regulation is understandable as it stems from the ideology of freedom of expression, taken to the most extreme level.

Why use the notice board with space when we have walls in abundance?

Finally, there have been unproven claims that the information minister does not carry members of her ministry along. However, I am sure that these are just ‘beer parlour gists‘. We commend the Information Minister and every member of the information ministry for a job well done. The ABH Information Ministry is leading Brownites into a new, much-needed era. Its vision is light years ahead of our time. Brownites should sit back and enjoy the ride rather than demand trivialities such as grammatically accurate posts and proper coverage of events, including sports tournaments. Do better, Brownites.

1 Comment
  1. Yours says

    This is pretty good article filled with sarcasm. I really laughed. An article well-written with such grammatical accuracy. I believe you just wrote about how subpar an individual is and how inefficient she is. All you did was bring to light the lapses she made and hopefully she makes necessary corrections. I’ll like to point out that not everyone is capable to take such responsibility but also it’s courage and willingness to take on what you’ve never done before and what no one else is willing to do and I commend the information minister for stepping out to serve.The job of the press is not to wash an individual (I’m not sure if that was grammatically correct if it’s not do correct) but simply to point out lapses and if possible suggest ways the individual will do better. Miss Sumi you could have done better.

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