They say being alone is not the same as loneliness.

Well frankly, I do not care.

Alone, lonely; I want it all.


I want to spend six hours in silence,

Staring at nothing and everything,

With only my shadow for company;

Even he might be banished if he’s distracting.



I want to read a book,

Forgetting to count the seconds,

Disremembering to note the minutes,

Unmindful of the hours,

Sleeping and waking,

Reading again,

Pretending to read,



I want to listen,

To deafening rock

And soulful blues;

To country music

And urban rap.

I want to test my ears;

See how loud it takes to go deaf.


I want to dance.

Oh, how I want to dance!

I want to dance without inhibitions,

All wrong steps and funny postures;

Uncoordinated moves and embarrassing falls.

I want to dance without an audience;

And if I feel high enough,

Maybe I’ll sing too.



Most of all, I want to cry,

To groan and grunt and lament and wail.

I do not crave sympathy or a reprieve.

I just want to cry in solitude.

Until I fall asleep or decide I’m satiated.

Then I’ll take a break, and then cry some more.

I want to cry.









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