Of all the times that I’ve been hit by grief, this is the hardest. I am barely holding myself together, struggling to keep going, afraid that I might snap and lose it all, break down, overwhelmed by the pain that holds me captive. It wretches through me, and rakes through my body in agonizing waves, making me breathless. It courses through my whole body, weakening me. It’s heartwrenching, aching, agonising. I cannot seem to find an escape from this sorrow.

Only six months ago, I was living my dreams with the man I love, set to be married. He completed me and gave meaning to my life. He was my world, he meant everything to me. He treated me like a princess and fulfilled my every need. I felt on top of the world with him around. In his arms, all my worry and anxiety, my concerns and tiredness all faded away. I loved him with all of my being and he loved me. He loved me.

I looked forward to the day we would get married; thought of how handsome he would look decked in a tuxedo. I thought we would have beautiful children together. I thought that we would be together till our hairs turned grey and we’d be babysitting grandkids, great-grandkids even, living our best lives and loving each other fiercely the whole time.

I miss his voice, his face, the way he looked at me, his nagging, this touch. I miss his smile and his scent. I wish I could have all that back, but I cannot bring him back… He’s. gone.

I’m numb…to work, to chores, to conversations, to people. I’m detached, dead from the world. I live every day like a zombie; unthinking, unfeeling, unmoving. They say time heals all wounds. Well, I don’t know about this. It’s etched in too deep. Would time stitch me back together, piece by piece? I doubt even time could fix this. He left me all alone after all, forever.

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