Hello!
How’s the weather today? Been trapped all day in the room, tormented by the torrential downpour that did not take a moment’s breath from dawn till dusk.
In my loneliness, I began to ponder. Life after school, money, residency, girls, love, girls again… then I started to write.
So, a lot of people have had questions regarding their personal lives, or rather their “love lives”, as we like to tag it. Tonnes of questions have risen such as , ” Am I really ready and matured enough to be in a relationship?” ” Will he/she be attentive to my problems and what not? “, and for those who are in relationships, they often question the validity of their love, their partner, and sometimes themselves – Am I good enough for her? Does he really love me? Why is she always on her phone?…and on it goes, endlessly!
… and after a while, the uncertainty sets in, then comes the boredom, the “cagey” feeling, and the big one of course – DOUBT!
Now here’s the rub! For me, Love is like an orchestra, and a lot is put into it to make a wonderful performance, not just for your audience but for yourselves.
Being in a relationship is like grooming a rose flower. It is red, it is beautiful and it definitely should have a wonderful scent; but it also has thorns! And they sure hurt as hell, if any pricks you. You hear scores of people complain and complain about finding the man right, having the right kind of love, … being in some sort of make-believe perfect relationship, like the one of Hazel-grace in The Fault in our stars. Great movie, by the way!
But the truth is, no relationship is perfect! It takes two to tango, and it sure is not an easy thing, but hey! that’s why you love each other, right? And if it’s love, then going a little further to put the right things in place, the right attitude; should be a walk in the park. You dont have to wait for your partner to create that romantic utopia you dream of. You can start by laying down the first brick.
Speaking with tonnes of people in relationship, both active and broken, I discovered that majority of the reasons for premature breakups and toxic relationships are due to simple bad manners that we pick up knowingly or unknowingly on the wayside. Now, let’s forget the whole relationship thingy for a moment. Whether or not you are in a relationship, bad manners are simply bad! Does not matter whether it is with your partner or not, and that sure is a nasty thorn on the rose of love.
……
Here are a few I identified from my interaction with people:
Having no common courtesy: Forgetting to say ‘thank you’, or to say “please” may seem insignificant, but it is a big deal especially in relationships. As much as saying thank you may not mean a thing to you immediately, it’ll go a long way in your relationship if you use it often. It is important to express gratitude your partner every time, doesn’t matter if they are just carrying out the simplest of duties. No one likes a commanding officer, whether married or just courting.
Going back to the past: Do not be a “spreader”, who likes to spreads around all issues ; past, present and even future especially during a misunderstanding. The past is the past which is why it should be left where it is! Single and married couples often hurt their relationships when they bring up the past, especially during an argument. Even if a past issue needs to be thrashed out, it is advisable to bring it up with care and make sure your partner understands why you are doing so. It is just unnecessary, and petty to bring up similar events in the past to prove a point. Some pasts are necessary and really important, I totally agree. If it is important, then be soft about it! Much way less that way, and you still get to drive home the point.
Speaking ill of your partner: Saying hurtful things about your partner to someone else especially in public places is simply horrible. No single or married relationship is perfect and some things are bound to drive you crazy, but speaking ill of your partner to someone else is just downright petty. Minimise third person intrusions as much as possible. It’s way easier and way less stressful.
Continuous distraction: Single,and even married couples let distractions such as phones, social media, work, sports get in between their relationships. People have let social media dictate how they treat their partners too. These continuous distractions slowly kills the emotional connection
you have with your partner. Your partner is trying to have a conversation, and you are just fixed to your tabs or phone, with the excuse of downloading “Game of thrones” or watching a match. It is important to create time for heart-to-heart discussions , it is healthy! The game is so important, I know! But be kind and assure him or her of your full attention afterwards, and make sure you keep to it!
Focusing on the negatives: Everyone has a flaw, and so, if you choose not to look past your partner’s shortcomings, it could destroy your relationship. Love cannot hold such together. For God’s sake, tell him/her how you feel, and move on! Not just for your relationship, but for your sanity and peace of mind!
Do not let some as simple as a “thank you” ruin your relationship. Be better for your partner, they deserve that, at least!
Did I miss something?
You don’t quite agree with above?…
Share your thoughts and comments below!
Insightful.
Mature outlook and very well written.
I enjoyed reading this and agree with everything you say.
Making time for each other, not just physically but emotionally is key. And that’s easier said than done in a life where we are all encouraged to ‘Be You!’ for our own well being.
Being in a relationship is a juggle and a compromise of many things – hopefully we are only compromising the smaller things like takeout choice, rather than whether we want kids or not. That would be too great a compromise and compatibility would need to seriously be considered if two people disagreed on such a huge subject …
Thank you for taking time to read the post. I totally agree with your standpoint
Emotional availability is paramount in any relationship, and I think it stems from tolerance between both partners. That way, disagreement wouldn’t be much of a “big deal”, but more of a learning opportunity to better understand themselves and grow deeper.
I hope you’ll enjoy subsequent posts.
I know I shall ?