After Hilda Baci, a Nigerian Chef attempted and broke the Guiness World Record for longest cooking hours, fellow Nigerians recognized it for the challenge that it is. Since then, a number of Nigerians have gone on to declare their intentions to break one Guiness World Record or the other, notably people from a certain state (name withheld).
From Chef Dammy, a student who attempted to break Hilda’s record (not quite officially, but an attempt is an attempt), to a school teacher declaring his intent to attempt to break the record for longest teaching hours, or another guy aiming to hold the record for longest gaming hours, the list is endless. Winning the Guinness World Record is now a recognized future ambition, so if you are not sure what to do with your life, this might just be the thing for you. As a concerned Brownite, I have curated a list of records that can be set and broken in the Alexander Brown Hall.
Disclaimer: I am yet to attempt any of these, but I trust that you are more than capable. So enjoy:
1. The most number of giant rats killed by a human being
For a fact, the Alexander Brown Hall contains significantly large rats, which could almost be mistaken for their predators, cats, due to their enormous sizes. These little mammals have also been kind enough to not be block-specific (although they appear to prefer some blocks to others), as each block contains an appreciable number of them. To win this record, all you need is a few sleepless nights as these mammals like to party at night. You should also be equipped with bravery, sprint and tact, but really, it shouldn’t be such a hard task.
2. The Neatest Brownite
While this award is certainly not Guiness World Record standard, it will earn you some points in the Alexander Brown Hall community. Alexander Brown Hall is a wonderful place to put your cleaning skills to the test as there is an abundance of dirt; from rooms that must not be caught on camera, to corridors that can be mistaken for dumpsters, not to mention the gutters and the actual dump site, you would certainly have your hands full. To win this record, you would have to ensure that not only your room is clean at all times but the toilets and bathrooms on your floor. To take it a step further, you will ensure your corridors are clean, and over time, extend your cleanliness to other floors. The more area you cover, the better for you. It may seem like a lot of work, but it is not easy to be a record holder.
3. The Brownite with the Best Gastrointestinal Tract
In recent times, there have been reports of Brownites getting food poisoning after eating from vendors situated within the hall’s cafeteria. But we all know that this is due to their deficient immune systems. Really, it shouldn’t be too much to ask of your GIT and immune system to take care of a few pathogens. Hence, this is a very easy record to win. Simply frequent the hall cafeteria three times a day every day, all year round, and the record will be handed over to you. I should warn though, that Brownites do not take kindly to someone repeatedly clogging their toilets. However, if no one knows it is you, you should be fine.
4. The Thickest Skin in Alexander Brown Hall
As the saying goes, mosquitoes are man’s best friend, especially if he lives in the Alexander Brown Hall. If you are wondering when this became a thing in the hall, you should recall that in recent times, power outage for days on end is no longer strange to us in the Alexander Brown Hall. To win this record, you could present yourself to the mosquitoes on nights when there is a power outage. To further prove your point and how deserving you are of the record, you could go to their home, Famewo Common Room, to pay them a visit. Rumour has it that they are very hospitable.
5. The Most Talented Brownite
One of the gifts bestowed on us at the Alexander Brown Hall is the abundance of health practitioners who can combine academic excellence with other skills in various fields. From fashion designers to chefs, make-up artists, writers, artists, research enthusiasts and so on, Brownites are known locally and internationally for their versatility. If you have just one skill, you may need to add two more, or four, or five, and you will be sure to beat your really strong competition.
In conclusion, becoming a record-holder requires determination, extraordinary skills, practice and commitment. You have to show that you have what it takes to break the record. So find your path and rest assured that you have my very best wishes.
