I am at sea, alone.
In the middle of nowhere, with no company to share.
I think I will be satisfied with even a fraction of a person this time;
A friend, a foe, an animal that I know.
Bearing memories of the times I was a duo, a trio, a group, a crowd,
I think about you, her, them, all of them, and
I am filled with an emptiness from the vacuum they have left.
I am with you, in a room,
Yet, I am alone as can be.
You do not acknowledge my presence,
And I am knocking on a wall.
I think about how I mattered to you once,
How my presence lifted your spirits,
How you would jolly in my company for oh so long, and
I am filled with an emptiness from the vacuum you have left.
I am with you, again.
I am not alone this time,
at least at first.
You ask me a question,
and I am terrified.
You have changed;
No, we have changed.
A mole hill has become a mountain.
Sincerity can be a cruel thing.
Yet, I say the words;
You go,
Away,
Forever? And,
I am filled with an emptiness from the vacuum you have left.
I am with her, in the dark.
I weep and moan.
She hugs me;
No, she holds me.
I speak of pain and loss, and painful loss.
Pain can be a distressing thing,
Especially when it is merged with worry, and fear, and fearful worry.
She tries and fails to comfort me.
I say the words,
She leaves.
I moan and weep, and
I am filled with an emptiness from the vacuum she has left.
I am at sea, alone.
The sea looks awfully familiar,
The water does not reflect my face when I peek at her;
She is my face;
A monster I created from turning my eyes to rain.
I cannot see with what is left of my eyes.
They are covered by the fog;
She also looks awfully familiar.
She is me;
A shield I created to protect from the memories of you, of her, of them.
I do not stare at her for too long,
Lest she starts to clear,
And I can see the silhouettes of the dark mountains that lie beyond.
I am blind at sea, on a boat.
The boat is very familiar;
She is me,
A resolve I created to keep myself steady.
On my marks,
Ready to dive,
Set to jump,
Going to drown.
I am free from the emptiness and the vacuum I had left.
