WHY DATING, WHY NOT FRIENDSHIP???

–By Arebiyo

Over the 7 weeks break, I was asked a question so basic I didn’t think I needed to mull over it. Little did I know I would bring it up as one of the topics of discussion on the WhatsApp group with the girls or one of the random conversations with the boys. You’re probably wondering what the question was. ‘why are you dating at all or better still why are you dating your partner?’ I realise this seems like 2 different questions but for the sake of this argument, we’d discuss it as one.

On the group, words like companionship popped up, with the boys, sexual gratification came up. I’m still thinking about it as should you.

First off, dating is one of the things ingrained in the hems of this society of ours, same as marriage and that sometimes is basically how one is defined. Therefore, to avoid being tagged the ‘girl that went through the university without a boyfriend’, you date. That’s if you care enough to be dictated to by the society but there are some rebels who won’t be worn down by the demands of the society.

Love. Boy oh boy! This has to be one of the greatest emotion of all time. Ballads have been sung, poems have been written even wars have been fought all because of love. People date because they say they love their partner. But humor me this, don’t you love your friends?

You say your partner is different and special but aren’t your close friends supposed to be all that too?

You say you see husband potential in this person, so you date because of the hope of something more. What’s going to change if the person stays your friend because hey! the husband potential you saw is still there. Why put a tag on it?

Some other people say that you’re dating so that the years between dating and marriage can lead to the discovery of a whole well of knowledge about your partner. The flaw with this POV is that we’ve seen 6 months dating lead to a very happy marriage with each person further discovering their partner whilst in it, we’ve also seen 6 years dating leave both parties bitter when they eventually split up. Yes, I have a sunny view of relationships.  Let’s also note that you could consciously or unconsciously have deep knowledge about your friend without dating, knowledge about a person isn’t mutually exclusive to dating.

No one can say that in this age and time you need to date someone for sexual gratification. We have arrangements like friends with benefits, sex friends amongst others which does not even saddle you with the workload of a relationship because God knows it requires a lot to make it work.

So what do I think? Personally, I date or I’m dating because he makes happy. It’s as simple as that. The little things he does to make me smile and no, his smile is not going to sustain the relationship. That’s what love and communication does.

Why date and not just be friends? Because he’s too darn good a catch to leave him and have another girl strategically position herself making him swoop her off her feet. I’m not as selfless as that.

Till next time amigos!