Dearest Brownite,
It is election season once again, and things are even more interesting this year with most positions having more than one person running for office. It appears that ABH may be getting rid of the political apathy that had pervaded the Hall for a few years.
However, it has come to my notice that a lot of you missed our first edition of this article, and are consequently left aloof. I do not like unfairness, so do access it here. It has also come to my notice that our first edition may not necessarily cover all grounds anymore. Hence, as a kind person, I have taken it upon myself to publish this update.
In all your readings, kindly note that the disclaimer in the first episode still applies here, and some of the steps overlap. Regardless I have not won an ABH election before, and I am only trying to help. I believe these steps will help you win, but if they don’t, may the Force be with you. I shall not be held responsible.
Now that the foregoing is out of the way, here are ten steps you must follow to win an election in ABH:
1. Declare First
This honestly goes without saying. If there is anything you should have learnt about elections by now, it is the power of “this guy told me first”. Apart from increasing your chances of being loved by Brownites, it may also help scare off other potential aspirants for that position. It might be too late for you to take this advice now, but as the popular saying goes, in case of next time. Regardless, in the event that you do not in fact have a specific future ambition in the first place, you may want to wait for the serious people to declare first so you can run for the positions that are vacant or with the opponents you know you can win.
2. Create a Campaign Group
To win a war, you need a base from which to launch your tactics and ammunition. In fact, it is abominable to fail to add a link to your campaign group in your first poster/Broadcast message. Convince your friends and family members to join the group. The more, the merrier. Rumour even has it that some undecided folks may choose a camp based on who has a fuller campaign group. Fill your campaign group by all means necessary. You have been told.
3. Be intentional about your campaign poster and broadcast messages
Your official poster has to do 3 things: inform, convince, and intimidate. Of course, you are informing Brownites of your intention to run for office, many of whom may not have previously known you existed. So you need to include your full name and all your nicknames, just in case your alias rings a bell faster. Next, you have to convince Brownites that you are serious, and you need to include a picture in your poster. The key here is to find the balance. You must appear friendly, but also look like you mean business. Dress for the occasion. Wear a suit or if you are wearing native, make sure there is a fìlà or gèlè to go with it. Smile, but don’t smile too much. In the event that you don’t win, at least you have professional headshots for future use. Finally, you have to intimidate your opponents by using the better graphic designer. Believe it or not, there are points for aesthetics. Make sure you book the best graphic designer before your opponent, else it is over.
4. Place your banner in the right place and at the right time
You have to be the first to put up your banner. That affords you the opportunity to survey the grounds for the most optimal location. We have seen in previous elections that the side of the ABH gate you place your banner may determine your outcome, but you will have to go consult the gods for further details. Place your banner with caution, prayers, and precision. Please note that your banner must be as large as possible. I mean, it does not bode well if your opponent goes all out and you don’t. You may seem a little miserly.
5. Spamming may be synonymous to winning
How would people know you are serious if you do not remind them every second of the day? Send your BCs out as often as possible. In fact, you may send your BC to the same group 50 times in one minute (the extra 10 seconds are to allow for network interruptions). If your opponent just sent out their BC, you double the number of times you send yours. The competition begins before the elections. Ensure you stay winning.
6. Be creative and familiar
In all you do, be current. For instance, if you have seen that the lingo for this year is “declaration of intent”, who are you to attempt to deviate from the status quo? It makes you come off as arrogant and unserious. If your opponent says “I humbly declare my intention…”, go a step further and say “With all humility and utmost reverence, I hereby declare my intention…” Also note that creativity is key. You must learn to move with the times. If everybody is making stickers, you go futher and make both stickers and memes. If memes are already in vogue, add a skit to the mix. If somebody already did a skit, you employ Rae Timzy or Layi Wasabi for yours. Extra is always better.
7. Become Santa Claus
I will not ask you to give bribes. No, Brownites don’t accept such. But they definitely will take your goodwill if you offer it. For instance, if you fund alternative electricity or pumping of water during a blackout, you will seem like a concerned leader and you just might melt the heart of Brownites. I hear a certain candidate already turned on a small generator once. You may want to do even more and buy diesel to power the big generator. Or better yet, buy an entire pumping machine. Remember, extra is always better.
8. Emphasize your doings
If you have prior experience or achievements, showcase them. In the good old days, the person with the longer poster showcasing their experience would win the elections. Even if it is “La belle rose” you won, put it. Award na award. If you are serving in the current Executive Council, now is the time to be in the faces of Brownites. If you have ignored your office all year, it is time to revive it. Do and overdo. And what’s more? Ensure Brownites are aware of your doings. Why must you wait for the Information Minister to announce to Brownites that you’re working on pumping water, or working actively to get a vendor to comply, when you can simply do it yourself? Send out as many BCs as you need to. In fact, take credit for the work of others if you must. Just ensure Brownites can see you working hard.
9. Be active in the Hall Week
If you know you will run for office in the elections, it is a rookie mistake to sit in your room during the Hall week. That is when you plant your seeds. From bonfire to CHAP, Symposium, and Cultural Night, ensure your presence. More than that, ensure your pictures are taken at these events. You may need them for a video later. Attend all hall week events and be as active as possible. If you are at the bonfire, dance with all your might. Ensure you take centre stage and that Brownites notice you. You must also ensure you aren’t creepy. Get involved when things aren’t going right. Serve in the hall week committees. Just be there and be seen being there.
10. Become everybody’s best friend
The campaign period is very crucial. It’s okay if you’ve never said hello to a single Brownite all year. You have time. Going forward, you must greet every single Brownite. If you are not sure if the person is a Brownite, greet them first. Say hello. Ask how they’re doing. Wear a smile. For the last bit, you may need some practise. Some candidates have gotten it wrong in the past and came off as creepy because of how unnatural their smiles were. You have to practise in the mirror so you perfect it. Greet every Brownite warmly. Ask for their names even if you won’t remember them. Greet with more enthusiasm than your opponents. Lastly, ensure you create opportunities to greet people. There are certain hotspots you can just lounge around at – cafeteria, quadrangle, Pool table, and so on. Just hang around all day and greet every Brownite that passes as often as they pass.
You have been given the Golden 10 Tips. It is up to you to use them wisely to win the elections. May the odds be in your favour.
