“……..To have and to hold from this day forward,
For better or for worse,
For richer or for poorer,
In sickness and in health
To love and to cherish
Till death do us part……..”
Those were the only words echoing in her subconscious, almost as though mocking her “after all, a promise made must be kept”
It became a chant of some sorts, a morning routine, and her daily confessions made in front of her dressing mirror. She made a vow, and she must never forget that. It did not matter that she had justifiable reasons for whatever actions she decided to take, the community grandparents would crucify her, the elders who see all things while seated would hold a court session on her behalf and she would be found guilty even without a trial. The society said it was wrong and the society was always right.
Toke could remember the day she made those vows just as vividly as she could remember every event following that day that rendered those vows worthless.
“……..To have and to hold from this day forward,
For better or for worse,
For richer or for poorer,
In sickness and in health
To love and to cherish
Till death do us part……..”
She had said amidst smiles and tears, tears of joy. That was the best day of her life and those were undeniably the best words she had ever said to another, a promise she would hold on to for the rest of her life. “I love you, I love you so much” she said emphatically, that was one thing she was cocksure of. “From here on, it’s going to be all bliss” Pete promised in return.
It was a sunny Saturday barely 3 years ago, everything was perfect, every detail was spot on, the decorations, meals, music, her dress, and most importantly, her groom, the absolute love of her life. She was euphoric, her life was on track, finishing medical school at the age of 22 and getting married at 24, she was glad to be living her dreams.
Her mom was indeed proud of her “now you are a woman worthy of respect, you now have a man and that’s all that matters” she would constantly praise her, because to her, getting married was the greatest achievement a woman could boast of. The elders didn’t care so much about the state of the marriage or the happiness of the parties involved, as long as they were married. Frankly, to them, what happens in the marriage should stay in the marriage as a sacred secret, ones’ dirty linens must never be washed in the public.
Oh, but dreams only last the night and Toke’s dream life and marriage was no exemption, but, She made a vow. Hence, even when those dreams swiftly turned into nightmares, she felt she had to persevere, after all, a wise woman builds her home.
His usual line of defense was “I have never hit her, and I feed and clothe her” Truly, he never did hit her, but there are more ways to crush a persons’ spirit asides physical violence, more ways equally as brutal and hurtful.
She had wept tearlessly, screamed silently, and prayed endlessly. She had done the stereotypic back and forth with so many what-ifs in between, and begged like a criminal. she had been a wise woman and a good wife, neither was good enough. Nothing was good enough, yet, “I made a vow” she reminded herself tearfully every morning, “what would mom say, and what about people?” She would venture to ask, albeit rhetorically.
There are always societies like Tokes’ and there are always the Tokes’ in those societies.
The ones who are hanging on by a thin thread and have been driven nuts by people who should at best be observers but have made themselves judge and jury over the affairs of another, the keepers of the knowledge of right and wrong who only see things in black and white, the stoics who would trade their offsprings for dogmas and unwritten creeds.
We are living off as pieces of a broken vessel, shattered in different parts but living as the society would have us live, breathing as they would have us breathe. Scared to death of being different, of being ourselves and of living in our very skins. Scared of being fat or being too thin, scared of being single and too scared to walk away from an abusive relationship, scared of doing things differently and going against the norms, because, what would people say?
We can only hope and hope again that in no far time, these “people” would give room to empathy and place value on human happiness rather than steps of a shaky ladder, all in the name of achievement. We hope that soon, people say the words “I do” solely because they want to do and not because society thinks they should do, that people keep vows out of a desire to do so and not for fear of the public, that people are left alone to be and live as they would want to.